Yesterday, I went to an infant education/prep class that my company provides on a regular basis for expecting parents. Classes are held once a month, and topics range from shopping and preparing for the baby to reviewing newborn characteristics and behaviors. Yesterday's class was about the unexpected things that can happen to you during pregnancy, like having to go on bed rest or being diagnosed with preecclampsia. It's really a pretty nice perk and something I'm glad that is available to me.
Yesterday was my first class since I've registered with the program and I went in as a "newbie", not knowing entirely what to expect. When I arrived, there were about 8 other women in attendance, along with the class instructor. I took a seat alongside them around a large conference table.
The class instructor asked us all to introduce ourselves, and as we went around the room, I began to realize that everyone else was much further along in their pregnancies than I am, and that I was the only one at the table who wasn't visibly pregnant.
As the instructor talked about the topic of the day, she periodically made reference to symptoms or events that happen at various stages during pregnancy. As she did this, she would take a poll of the room to see how many people were affected by something like swelling of the feet or gestational diabetes. In every case, everyone was able to say yes or no, and then she would look at me and say "It's too early for you to be experiencing that yet", or "You won't have to deal with that for a few more months".
First of all, I have to say that the instructor was nothing but polite and kind when she was saying these things to me; however, it made me crazy!! I know that this is COMPLETELY irrational and ridiculous, but I felt like a complete underachiever! It was like being back in school and it was that one day that you were caught not doing your homework from the night before and the teacher totally called you out on it. I was actually sitting there in that conference room, mentally trying to figure out how I could fast forward to a later point in my pregnancy so I wouldn't be "that girl" who couldn't participate in the discussion. Or maybe, I'm just a really quick learning and mature pregnant person and I'll get to some of these symptoms and phases earlier than others.
Uh, yeah. I realize that this is a complete sickness and just my Type-A, desire to be in control coming through. So, I get it. Being pregnant is something that I actually don't have any control in, and that this is nature at its best trying to tell me to let go and just live in the moment. Good lesson to learn now, because I know that I'm not going to be able to be in control every minute when this little one comes in May (although, I'm not saying I still won't try!).
The only thing that's sort of scary about this is that while it's completely OK for me to want to be an overachiever (even when the circumstances are completely ridiculous to do so), I don't want to make my kid (feel horrible not having a name that's more endearing...maybe when we find out if its a boy or girl) feel like he/she has to or should overachieve as well. I really don't picture myself being that type of parent, the one that's always telling their kid to keep trying until they have it perfect, so that gives me some peace. But, who am I to know until I'm really there? I thought I'd also love being pregnant and enjoy every minute (which I actually really am right now), but then the absurd craziness kicks in. What's to stop that from kicking in when there's a living, breathing child with real life things going on?
I guess that's not really something for me to stress about at this point, and just something for me to keep in mind as that time comes around. Eh...blame all the craziness on the pregnancy hormones and hope that its just a passing phase :)
